I love to travel....

Let me start off by saying I'm staying at the Ritz Carlton in Amelia Island on the company dime and I really miss my family, but the material when you travel is always gold. At least when I travel it seems to be. Despite the relative plethora of decent choices we had for dinner the boss thought that Applebees would be a good idea. To quote a recent Saturday Night Live, Really?, Really? Please do not read further if you like Applebees. I don't just mean this post, I mean any of the blog. If you like Applebees then we are probably not good friends and you shouldn't be interested or concerned in my family stories anyway.

Now that we got that disclaimer out of the way, wow. Quick summary of the setting. As we walk in, the couple before us sits at a table and chooses to sit on the same side of the booth. Classic. Especially because there were already 3 other couples sitting on the same side of the booth. I recognize that its probably vacation and you want to be close to your honey, but isn't it so much more awkward to turn your head at a 90 degree angle than to just sit across from them? Seriously, same side of the booth is a no no. O.k., next, the two guys in the booth next to us are blatently speaking French and it's so random yet awesome because they are drinking Heinekens. French speaking German drinking. Those Europeans are so hip. If you are young you will not get the next reference, but the stunt double for Wilford Brimley was absolutely mauling some ribs at a high top about 20 feet from us.

I recognize any one of these events is most certainly not newsworthy, but as a cornucopia displayed on the Thanksgiving table that is the Amelia Island Applebees, it was quite a sight.

For the record, if you like Applebees, sit on the same side of the booth, and are of French descent please discontinue use of this blog and seek humor and entertainment elsewhere. Most likely in the form of the USA Today funnies or at the thought of fighting in a war.

Because I'm at an insurance convention I have no doubt that I will have more material very shortly. Good night and God Bless.

My weekly pet peeve

This is a segment that will begin to explain some of the shortcomings of the general public that really tick me off.  I was ridiculed often as a grade schooler and high schooler and as a result, I have developed quite a short fuse with others and an innate ability to pick out others flaws.  The good news for you is that its my shortcoming, but you will no doubt agree with most of these while I take the blame for posting them.

O.k. here goes.  Elevators.  I know that until you have a real job and a relatively large office you can't be expected to know all the nuances that come with an extended elevator journey to the tops of the business world.  However, who the "F" doesn't know to wait for people to get out first before others get on?  Seriously, the doors open and you wait 3 to 6 seconds depending upon the number of exiters and now you can board.  What kind of clown are you that I have to shift my walking from north south to east west to make room for Mr. In A. Hurry to get on the elevator.  Just wait.  

Also, if you get on the elevator to go up one flight, I am officially giving myself the authority to hurl overweight insults at you for the short journey or better yet, I might decide to just punch you in the face.  

Please no posts about how insensitive  I am, just post about how right I am and how much you agree with me that elevator ethics abusers should be reprimanded.  Sam thinks that we should just give em the mean face as illustrated here.

Til we meet again, happy complaining.

Yardwork and cutie's

Dear friends,

It has been too long since we last spoke and for that I apologize.   As you can tell this picture represents the cutie's portion of the title and not the yard work.  This is Mia and she loves chillin in her boppy and checking out the scenery.

O.k., now on to the yard work.  I was mowing the upper half of our yard.  For those of you who have had the privilege of visiting the 154 the backyard is divided into an upper and lower tier.  To get to the upper tier, I have to scale the retaining wall and also remember to get the lawnmower, Sam, and his mower (a Kawasaki four wheeler).  While mowing I hit a large rock and the mower shut off.  As I leaned down to check underneath the mower and try to fix it, Sam, in a very condescending and disappointed tone explained, "I told you not to mow up here in the mud with the big sticks."  Then he reached his little hand out and rubbed my head, then in a comforting voice said, "sorry boy."   

A boy and his dog

It was a nice spring evening last Thursday and Michelle decided to take LewLew (the family dog) for a walk.  Sam, of course, insisted on going.   For those of you who have or have had small children, when a 2 year old insists on doing something, outside of an illegal activity, it's just easier to let them do it.  So mommy, sam and lewlew embarked on a journey.

As the midway point of the walk arrived, Mommy noticed two things.  First, it was apparent that Sam needed to pee.  This led to her discovery of the 2nd thing, a baby bunny laying in the grass.  Don't get ahead of yourself, but I think you know where this is going.  As Sam started to pee, (yes he pees outside because when you first potty train a boy anywhere but their pants is a suitable landing spot for their urine) LewLew discovered the bunny.   LewLew loves bunnies.  And by loves bunnies, I mean she loves to maul them and consequently toy with them until they are dead.  Anywho, LewLew, in her focused state of stalking did not realize that Sam was now peeing on her back.  As Sam realized this, he continued to power his pee in the pooches' direction.  Now Sam is laughing, mommy is laughing, LewLew is zoned in on the potential kill and  the poor bunny is undoubtedly questioning the sanity of this entire clan.  

After Sam was finished, and LewLew had murdered the bunny the family headed back.  I'm just kidding.  Sam was not finished yet.  :-)  Ha Ha.  But, seriously, the bunny was unharmed.  

Until we meet again, keep it in the short grass.  Good afternoon and God bless.

Lesson in Anatomy

This is an excerpt from the "bath party" last night.

Sam:  "Do you have a little wee wee mommy?"

Mommy: "No, sweetie, girls don't have wee wees."

Sam:  "I have a little wee wee mommy.  Daddy has a humongous wee wee."

It's times like these, when you're sleep deprived and overwhelmed that the little things keep you going.  For those of you scoring at home, Sam is in fact 2 1/2 years old and has a substantially skewed frame of reference, but for the time being I will post this story with a smile on my face and a sheepish grin in my heart.  

Till we meet again, keep your ear to the grindstone.  

Pictures and procrastination

Sam at the Masters in his jammies.  Actually, it's just the front yard, but how bout those azaleas.  I'm supposed to be in the shower right now and Shelly (the true leader of the household) is going to be mad at me, but sometimes great journalism can't wait.  Oops, I take that back, Shelly is currently very upset, she just put Sam in time out and because I would like to avoid a similar fate I'm off to the shower.  Good day and good day.

These are the two youngest and by far, best looking members of our starting five.  No reserves on this team.  Only starters.  Sam and Mia are their names and jumping and sleeping are their games.